explain

“There’s nothing like trying to explain something to someone else to make you think about the subject seriously and thoroughly yourself.”
~ Melodie Neal

[source: Deep Litter]

when said on myspace

“. . . Anything you have to say will automatically sound 50 times stupider when said on myspace.”
~ Nicki
[source]

don’t believe anything you read on the net

“Don’t believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.”
~ Douglas Adams

didn’t really say

“I didn’t really say everything I said.”
~ Yogi Berra

quote me

“I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.”
~ George Bernard Shaw

the perfect quote

“I never have found the perfect quote. At best I have been able to find a string of quotations which merely circle the ineffible idea I seek to express.”
~ Caldwell O’Keefe

long letter

“I have made this [letter] longer, because I have not had the time to make it shorter.”
~ Blaise Pascal

language

“Language is what we use to construct the world. Language is what we use to construct ourselves. Language is completely inadequate for both those tasks.”
~ Jacques Lacan

press release

“Hi Mom! I’m making my own newspaper to report the events of our household.”
“That’s nice.”
“Now I’m looking for a page one lead story. Can I interview you?”
“Sure.”
“OK, what are you cutting up there for dinner?”
“Fish.”
“KNIFE WELDING MOTHER HACKS ICHTHYOIDS! GRIM MELEE IS EVENING RITUAL! SUBURBAN FAMILY DEVOURS VICTIM!”
“Out of the kitchen! OUT!”
~ from Calvin & Hobbes

my tests

“I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers’ lounge.”
~ from Calvin & Hobbes

writing

“I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!”
~ from Calvin and Hobbes